To Love is to Forgive
by sunnyblainey
Summary: Kurt promised Blaine a heart to heart at Christmas, and we never got to see it. So this is one of my versions of how it played out. Blaine explains what happened that night, and Kurt contemplates his feelings about it.


"Hey Kurt?" Blaine whispered into the silence. Christmas was almost over, Burt had gone to bed, leaving the boys to absorb the quiet flickering of the tree lights.

"Yeah, B…?" Kurt's eyes were closed, and he was leaning against the back of the couch, but he wasn't relaxed. Blaine allowed himself a small smile at the nickname. He was glad Kurt had allowed him to remain friends.

"Kurt, at Thanksgiving, you said we'd talk at Christmas… and Christmas is 27 minutes from being over and we still haven't had that talk. Are you still wanting-"

Kurt cut him off, "Promise me you won't say sorry because you have said it enough times…all I want is you to tell me what happened, and don't stop because this is the only way we can both move forward."

"All right… I promise." Blaine turned his body so he was facing Kurt, the older boy opened his eyes and looked at Blaine expectantly.

"So, what happened?"

"Well…" Blaine bit his lip. "Okay, first, you have to understand that I'm not trying to use any of what I'm about to say as an excuse, there is no excuse for what I did. But it's the truth, every word."

Kurt nodded and waited for him to continue.

"Well, you know how things aren't exactly great at my house… I don't have the relationship with my parents that you do with your dad. On the night I got elected Student President, he confronted me."

Kurt chewed the inside of his lip, he was aware of Blaine's family situation, but what did that have to do with him cheating?

"Apparently his boss has a daughter who goes to McKinley, and she told her dad all about how happy she was I got elected because… Well apparently she really likes me. Anyway, apparently this guy tried to convince my dad I should ask this girl out…"

"Wait, wait. Are you saying you cheated on me with a girl?"

"No, Kurt, just listen. So my dad comes home from work, and he says he needs to talk to me. I was confused because my dad never talks to me, he just tells me everything I do is wrong. He told me that I'd better smarten up and get over this "gay-phase" because if I'm smart enough to get elected Student President, I might actually make a decent living someday, even if I had to rely on a former stripper's abs to get the votes…"

"You mean Sam?"

"Yeah. Anyway, I told him it wasn't a phase, and he started getting angry. He said that his boss had a daughter who was dying to go on a date with me. I told him it wasn't going to happen, and he said that he was in line for a promotion and me dating that girl would put him in the boss' good books for sure. I got angry, because I'm not going to whore myself out just so my dad can get a promotion and have even _more _money to go on pointless cruises and vacations without me. I told him that and he hit me. Told me that I didn't deserve to go with him and my mother anywhere. I said I didn't want to anyway, and then he said that was good, because they didn't want me. They never wanted me. He told me to get out… I didn't think he was serious, but he literally pushed me out the door, handed me my car keys, and told me never to come back…"

"Blaine…"

"I'm not done, Kurt." Blaine was starting to get upset, Kurt could tell. His breathing was quick and he seemed to be avoiding eye contact, but the curly haired boy pressed forward. "I had nowhere to go. I spent the night in the school parking lot. I slept in my car. I tried calling you, but you didn't answer. I think I must have panicked, I needed to talk to someone, but I didn't want to tell anyone in Glee club. Eli was a guy that accidently added me on facebook, and we had been having conversations for about a week."

Blaine paused and took a few deep breaths, Kurt knew it was getting difficult for him, but Blaine needed to get it off his chest. He needs Kurt to know the truth.

"He invited me over. I went, because anywhere was better than sleeping in my car, and I figured at the very least he might be able to give me some decent food… We watched a movie, he made me supper, we talked for a bit… He listened to me, Kurt. You know how I get when I feel abandoned, I cling to anything that acknowledges my existence."

Kurt nodded, feeling like the worst boyfriend in the world. _I should have remembered he has abandonment issues… If only I'd answered the damn phone._

"It got me thinking, that maybe you and I weren't meant to be together forever like we said. As the night went on I found myself craving as much attention as I could get, and he gave it to me. And then he took it too far. I just want to cuddle, but he kissed me, and it had been so long since I'd been kissed I didn't stop him… I pressed further, and I gave in…"

Kurt closed his eyes, this is what he was afraid of. Blaine went all the way with a guy he barely knew, forget the cheating thing for a moment, what Blaine did was dangerous. Kurt hoped Blaine at least had the sense to use protection.

"Right after, I felt sick… Because I realized that you and I are meant to be together forever, Kurt, and I'm sorry I ever doubted that, and I'm sorry I ruined it…"

Were those tears in Blaine's eyes? _Oh god… he's been beating himself up ever since, hasn't he… _"Blaine, honey look at me."

Blaine looked up, honey-hazel eyes meeting cerulean. "Blaine, thank you for telling me the truth. And now I need to tell you something."

Blaine simply nodded.

"I need to apologize to you, for ignoring your phone calls and missing our Skype dates."

"Kurt, you don't need to apol-"

"Yes I do, B. Relationships are as much about trust as they are about self sacrifice and making the other person feel wanted. I pushed you away, I let my career get in the way of us, and I made you feel alone and unwanted, didn't I?"

Blaine remained silent, but Kurt knew he wanted to confirm it.

"I made mistakes too, and I'm sorry for that. Blaine, I want you to know I forgive you. I'm still hurt, but I understand now, and I want us to eventually work up to a relationship again. But not right now, okay? You need time to figure yourself out right now. Have you found a place to stay?"

Blaine stared at Kurt in a stunned silence for a few seconds, before slowly nodding. "Um, your dad said I could stay with your family… I was living with Brittany for a while, but her family left on vacation for the holidays…"

The tone of Blaine's voice indicated to Kurt that Blaine had probably been living in his car until Burt called and offered to take him to New York. The agreement for Blaine to live with the Hummel-Hudsons had probably been reached on the plane ride.

"Okay. Blaine, you need to focus on yourself right now, okay? You can talk to me about anything you need help with, I'm going to make a better effort to be there for you. I love you, Blaine."

within seconds, Kurt's arms were full of a sobbing Blaine. "I love you too, Kurtie…"

Kurt stroked the curly hair and whispered, "I told you, I'm never saying good-bye to you."

As the clock struck midnight, Blaine fell asleep. Kurt had a feeling that it was the first time in months that Blaine was able to sleep soundly. He wrapped a blanket around them, adjusted himself until he was comfortable, and gently kissed Blaine's forehead.

"Goodnight B."

~*~


End file.
